It's strange to even think about it, really. Some days I feel like I've just gotten here--I'm still struggling with communicating in French (at least longer than simple conversations, shopping, and public interactions) and although I am finished with classes and beginning my internship in a couple of weeks (eek!) I don't feel fully settled or at home. I miss my friends and family terribly right now. I never thought that I would be the type of person who needed to be close to her family (I am, after all, an only child and my family is relatively small), but having no way to communicate except by phone is beginning to take its toll. I want my mom and dad and Brit to see how I live, to know what I'm talking about when I talk about the market I go to each week, to know what my house looks like. I want them to know Monsieur, who has become such a big part of my life. It's a palpable ache that is always in the back of my mind. I have made this decision, and while I am so happy living in Paris for the most part, and I appreciate the fact that I am living a dream that I have had since I was a little girl, it's difficult to have only a couple of people close by who I can count on. It is definitely hard to make lasting connections in Paris.
On the other hand, I feel sometimes like I've been here forever. I chat with my market vendors now, I explore new neighborhoods every day, and I am in love. Monsieur and I have largely come to terms with our differing personalities, so even though he still drives me crazy about leaving his shoes strewn around the house and his finances left to chance, now I find it mostly endearing instead of fury-inducing. We just got back from an amazingly relaxing vacation and are leaving again in two weeks for a short trip to Portugal just before I begin working. I am happy and in love and although I get stabbing pains in my chest thinking about the "what ifs..." of the future and my future in France, I trust that our commitment to each other will get us through.
I'm planning on going on a pickle and hot sauce making adventure with Meg today and having a picnic with some girls from school on the canal tonight to celebrate my awkward leap into parisienne-ness. It's definitely days like these--cool, sunny late summer days spent cooking and laughing and lounging with friends--that makes all of the heartache worthwhile.
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